Little did I know when I woke up on the morning of June 17, 2005, that the upcoming day would be one of the most monumental of my life. Later that day my best friend, Matt Pierce, and I had planned on meeting up for at a luncheon to talk some about this idea that I had for a new non-profit that serves dads. I bet you can guess what came out of that luncheon. But what I hadn’t planned on was a visit from my wife, Colleen, at work that morning telling me that we were going to be parents for the first time – she was pregnant with our first son, Jackson. I was going to be a dad! Looking back on that sunny Friday before Father’s Day, it’s hard for me to fathom that those two events, so closely linked, could only be mere coincidence. I’ve always felt that the events were Divinely planned, a serendipitous sign of what God had in mind for me.
Six and a half years later, I still believe that my work with Dads Inc. has been Divinely supervised. Through all of the mountains and valleys that go along with being a new non-profit agency (and especially the valleys, which have sometimes been very deep), I have just always known that the work would continue, even with the odds stacked against us. It was too important not to.
And it has. Two years ago, when Dads Inc. merged with The Villages of Indiana, the mission, I knew, was finally safe. Not that things are always easy in a horrible economy and a politically-charged climate which has seen donations, sponsorships and grants shrink. But I knew that Sharon Pierce, the CEO of The Villages, understood the importance of dads in the lives of their children and is as committed as I have been to keeping the work of Dads Inc. alive and growing.
With the future of Dads Inc. secured, it is now time for me to turn over the keys to someone else and face the next challenge that God has planned for me in a new season of my life. It is with bittersweet excitement that I’m letting you know that my last day with Dads Inc. will be on Friday, October 28th.
I have accepted the position of Director of Fundraising and Communications with another non-profit agency called Partners In Housing Development Corporation (www.pihdc.org). I am most definitely in for a challenge as this organization seeks to start a brand new chapter in its history. I will be joining an Executive Director - who will have been on the job just one week when I begin - in leading Partners in new efforts of fundraising and spreading information about their mission to the community at-large. Working to house the homeless is sort of a homecoming for me because my first job in the non-profit sector was at Horizon House, a day center for the homeless that I spent three years at. It is a subject that I still care deeply about and look forward to supporting again.
Let me be clear – I am not leaving Dads Inc. under any dark cloud. I know Dads Inc.’s best days are yet to come. This is simply me following the next serendipitous sign I was given.
I am also excited to let you know that the next chief of Dads Inc. will be Mr. Brian Carter. There are very few people with who I would be comfortable turning this organization over to. Of those few people, Brian is at the top of the list. Brian is a dedicated family man with wonderful wife and two grown sons. He has been an employee of The Villages for over 18 years, championing the needs of children from all walks of life. In fact, in 2009, Brian was selected as the very first Father of the Year by Dads Inc. Not only does he do great work for the children he serves, but in his spare time, he already works with young men to become better fathers. Brian and I have spoken extensively, and I know that the original vision of Dads Inc. – to serve any father who seeks help – will be maintained while he institutes new programs, events and ideas. I am very excited to see where Brian leads Dads Inc. into the next chapter in its history!
Friends, it has been one of my life’s great privileges to work with you in building that idea I had into the great organization that Dads Inc. is today. I hope that you continue to work with Brian to help him make it even greater. And I hope that our paths continue to cross. Thank you!
Chris Maples
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comments (0)The following is a list of resources for monitoring your child's online activity provided by Mr. Ben Eades, Tech Support Manager for The Villages.
Monitoring Online Devices: Resources for Parents (as of 9/21/11)
-These resource links will inevitably become outdated as these companies continually update and revise their own websites. Do not hesitate to search for words and phrases like “parental controls” and “monitoring” on the companies main website search area in order to get to any new material that they put out.
Microsoft Safety & Security Center http://www.microsoft.com/security/family-safety/childsafety-steps.aspx
Use Parental Controls or Windows Live Family Safety to:
-Create user accounts for different children (or based on age groups of kids) and you. Make your account the administrator account, and kids accounts as Limited Users (so they can’t change system files or install software or hardware)
-Block inappropriate content, set time limits, ratings for games, allow only or block only lists based on age
-Monitor those other users’ activities
Microsoft PowerPoint Presentation download location:
http://www.microsoft.com/security/resources/powerpoint.aspx
Microsoft Security, privacy, and online safety brochures and fact sheets
http://www.microsoft.com/security/resources/brochures.aspx
Parental CONTROLS on APPLE mobile DEVICES
iTunes Parental Controls
http://support.apple.com/kb/ht1904
iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch: Understanding Restrictions
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4213
Parental CONTROLS on the APPLE mac PC (OSX)
http://www.apple.com/findouthow/mac/#parentalcontrols
Google Family Safety Center http://www.google.com/familysafety/
SafeSearch : must lock settings with gmail account : doesn’t block other search engine results : Can use on phone (but not lock?)
YouTube Safety Mode: Not 100% accurate (no filtering is), can lock safety settings with your YouTube password???
Android Market Ratings: uses a PIN to lock the settings: “This flag and removal system has proven to be extraordinarily successful at YouTube and continues to facilitate the openness that is intrinsic to the Web. Thirty-five hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute, ensuring maximum innovation and expression. The platform effectively relies on a community of users to police and monitor its content. We hope to replicate if not improve upon this model.”
Advice from Partners: Good area to explore and learn more about the issues
Video Tips from Google Parents: Vic Gundotra, Vice President Engineering, Google – “It is incredibly important for parents to stay involved. It is a mistake to allow children to have unlimited, unmonitored access to the internet. Certainly you wouldn’t leave your child alone in the middle of a city.”
More Resources: Faux Paw the Techno Cat internet safety series for children
Other resources
GetNetWise.org - “Other” Monitoring Tools List (44 results as of 9/20/11)
http://kids.getnetwise.org/tools/monitors
GetNetWise.org Online Safety Guide, Tools for Family, Web Sites for Kids, Reporting trouble
Internet Safety Tips for Parents, Kids, Sample Contracts in English and Spanish
Family Online Safety Institute http://www.fosi.org/
ParentFurther.com – Online Safety, Mobile Technology, Social Networking, Video Games
http://www.parentfurther.com/technology-media/activitiesandquizzes/decactivity.shtml
Internet Safety Educator – educational blog, tons of information and resources
http://internetsafetyeducator.com/
Parental Controls on Gaming Consoles
http://internetsafetyadvisor.squarespace.com/my-newspaper-columns/ - Good overview newspaper article for parents.
Xbox Family Center
http://www.xbox.com/en-US/Live/Family
Nintendo Support for the Wii (and their other gaming consoles – Nintendo DS and 3DS)
http://www.nintendo.com/consumer/systems/wii/en_na/settingsParentalControls.jsp
Sony Playstation PS3 and PSP Security Settings
http://us.playstation.com/support/parents/index.htm
Parental Controls on television cable boxes
Comcast – for cable and DVR subscribers
http://www.comcast.com/Corporate/Customers/ParentalControls.html
Insight Cable Parental Controls
http://www.myinsight.com/documents/help/ParentalControlsTips.pdf
DirecTV Parental Controls
http://support.directv.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/1766/~/parental-controls
Dish Network Parental Controls
http://www.usdish.com/dish-network-blog/dish-parental-controls.html
REMEMBER
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PC and gaming consoles in public area
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Have a family Contract for Internet Use
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Be a friend, explain the need for monitoring, enforce the rules
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Dive in and attack those devices! -You can learn how to use this software as good as anyone else can, including tech-savvy kids!
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Teach your kids that: If you wouldn’t wear it, don’t share it
As we prepare to celebrate Father's Day this weekend, I want to talk about how we, the dads of today, grow and influence the dads of tomorrow.
Where does a man primarily learn his fathering skills? He learns them from his own dad. For better or worse, when a man becomes a dad, he will draw on his own experiences with his father in order to father his child. Our tagline at Dads Inc. is "building generations of involved dads and thriving kids" for that reason - the way we father leaves a legacy for generations to come. That legacy can be either positive or negative. It is up to us - today's dads, particularly those of us with sons - to mold the future generations of our family.
With his little eyes watching every move you make, it's easy to think you're going to mess up no matter how hard you try. And you will. We all do because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Just get over that fear. What's more important is how you handle those mess-ups. Did you admit your mistake and apologize or just ignore it and move on? Remember - his little eyes are watching. That is an essential lesson for a dad to teach his son.
Additionally, I see four other lessons that are essential for dads to take the lead in positively guiding his son to understanding.
HOW TO TREAT WOMEN
Chivalry? Respect? Partnership? Your son is going to take your lead on treating women this way. Whether it is your wife, your ex-wife, your mom or a total stranger, the way you interact and engage with women is the standard for how your son will treat them. If you call his mom a "bitch" - to him women can be "bitches". But if you call his mom your friend and partner, women will be his equal and he will respect them. And really, it's not just women, but how to treat people in general. The Golden Rule is golden for a reason.
SHOW EMOTION AND AFFECTION
How's that old nursery rhyme go? Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. So we think our sons should be a little rough and tumble, rambunctious and manly. This is all well and good, as long as "manly" means know how to control and deal with your emotions and being able to openly show affection. Dads, if you're having violent or loud outbursts when you get mad, you are not setting the right example of how to control and properly deal with emotions. You need to show them that it is ok to cry, but it's not ok to cuss and hit things or people. And if you're not hugging and kissing those boys and telling them you love them every day, not only are you missing one of the most precious parts of fatherhood, you're also instilling in them the belief that showing affection is not something men do.
GROW SPIRITUALLY
I'm not necessarily only talking about church or religion here, though those are certainly two aspects of spiritual growth. I'm talking about teaching him to appreciate ideas and concepts larger than ourselves, about nature and our impact on it, about being in awe of the Universe and all the wonders it holds. If you don't talk about it with him or teaching him its importance, you're stunting his growth, spiritually and intellectually. Out of wonder comes knowledge - knowledge of one's self and one's world.
SELF-EDUCATION
No question you should be involved in his schooling. From being active in the PTA to helping him with his homework, you need to be as active and engaged in his formal education as his mom is. But what about his time out of school? How does he come to appreciate the arts? How does he learn to learn to play a musical instrument? How does he learn to take the sound bite he hears on a political ad as only part of a larger, more complicated story? You teach him how to read, how to play, how to investigate. You teach him to learn to think on his own. You teach him it's ok to ask questions, even to authority figures, even if that's you. In short, you teach him to be his own man.
If you follow these rules will you raise the perfect son? Nope. But you are going to raise a fine young man. And so will he.
Happy Father's Day!
I guess this video went viral a couple of weeks ago, but I just heard about it today. Check it out: http://deadspin.com/#!5782089/revenge-of-the-bullied-casey-becomes-an-icon
Immediately upon viewing it, I felt so bad for the kid being bullied. I felt an old knot and sickness in my stomach that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was that same kid, Casey, being bullied.
In middle school, I was the fat kid, the one that was always degraded and always bullied. And it didn't help that my family was not well off. For three years, I was that kid. I was called "fat ass", "loser", "worthless", and as many other names that you can think of. I was degraded on a daily basis. People would just hit me in the back for no reason. Try to trip me, push me, knock books out of my hands or push my lunch try to the floor.
In elementary school, I was the kid that loved school. In middle school, I absolutely hated every day that I had to be there. And don't even get me started on gym class. Still to this day, I still can't completely understand why I didn't defend myself all those times. And then one time, I did.
I was Casey.
It was 8th grade. It was gym class. We were practicing wrestling. My main bully was this smaller, thinner punk kid named Willie Cogdill. Willie had tormented me daily for the three years of middle school. Willie and his two little stooges - I can't even remember their names - made my life a living hell. By not sticking up for myself over those three years, I held all that pain and resentment in. Until that day in gym.
You had to challenge someone to wrestle. Everyone was calling on Willie to challenge me and kick my "fat ass." A lot of my other tormentors were in that class, too. They thought it was hilarious when I challenged him.
And when we started, he took me down fast to the pleasure of that crowd. Then something inside me snapped. I came up off the matt, grabbed Willie by the neck and pushed him to the ground like he was as light as a feather. Pushing his face in the matt, I climbed my "fat ass" up on his back, put each of his arms under my legs so he couldn't move them, reached behind me and grabbed both of his legs that were kicking about. I started to pull.
I wasn't trying to beat him. I was trying to maim him. In that moment, three years of anguish came spewing out, and I want to pull his legs out of their sockets. I wanted to break them. I wanted to push my knees so hard into his lungs that he would black out. I wanted him to physically feel the same pain he had caused me emotionally.
And I was well on my way to accomplishing all of that when the gym teacher, that same adult who never did anything to protect me when Willie was hurting me, started pulling me off of him. I wasn't budging, but he finally pulled me off. Willie's cheerleaders sat in stunned silence.
Then it was over. My rage and being bullied. The word must have quickly spread, and I was never bullied again. Willie never spoke another word to me, and I was absolutely fine with that.
I was Casey, because I seriously doubt that little twerp will ever say anything derogatory to Casey again.
The good thing is that neither Willie nor Casey's tormentor were seriously injured. But it's difficult for me to feel any sympathy for Casey's bully. I'm a believer in the adage that says "you reap what you sow". But chances are that he's never fully going to reap it. He's not going to have to deal with the self-esteem and self-doubt that Casey is. He's not going to have to deal with the insecurities, even later in life, which Casey is. Part of me thinks he got off real easy.
But I do feel one small piece of sadness for him. What is his life like to drive him to treat other people the way he does? What is his father like to him? Why does he think its ok just to hit other people in the face for no reason whatsoever? That's a sad life.
I was asked by a reporter the other day what a dad should do if he thinks his child is the one who is being the bully at school. I would now answer that question by showing my kid this video. I would show him how pathetic that kid looks. I would make sure he understood the emotional abuse that he was causing. Then I would warn him about the anger that the kid being bullied can unleash on him in just a matter of seconds. We would talk about how hazardous it is to back a wild animal into a corner.
If I was the bully's father, of course I would be sympathetic to my child being injured. But what if I was Casey's dad?
Twitter is a great marketing tool! A young entrepreneur, Mr. Steven Gordon, contacted me about his company TattooID and wanted me to check out his product. He was even honored last October at The White House by President Obama for his winning elevator pitch of his product in the National Youth Entrepreneurship Challenge!
The product is simple but brilliant, particularly for someone without children. He has created a child-themed temporary safety tattoo that lists your child's initials and your phone number to use when you're going out in large crowds or other places in which you could become separated from your child. It gives you an extra tool to keep your child safe, and it makes the whole process fun for your child and easy to remember what it is and what it's for in the event you two become separated. 
The tattoos come in a variety of themes, from rocket ships to secret agents to princesses to ice cream. They measure a small 1.4" x 1.8" - enough to be readable by an adult, but also small enough to hide under the arm of your child's shirts. They come in sets of 10, and cost $7.99 per set - a small price to pay as a parent to give you a little extra peace of mind and to arm your child with a little extra protection. DISCLAIMER: This is where I have to inform you that I did not pay for the tattoos I received - Mr. Gordon sent them to me at no cost for me to examine.
As the father of two small boys under age 5 who like to run around like madmen, I definitely recommend these TattooIDs. We take the boys to large events like the 500 Festival Kids Day all the time, and I know my boys will be sporting these!
You can find them on the TattooID website - www.thetattooid.com, or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TattooID and on Twitter at www.twitter.com/TattooID.
I got an email from my old college roommate the other evening saying that his dad had passed away after a two-year battle with cancer. I hadn't seen the man in 12 years or so, but I always liked him. He was a good dad to Aaron (my roommate), and he was a good second dad to all of Aaron's friends. I hated to hear that another good person had passed.
The family wasn't having a public service, and the body was being cremated. So to pay my respects, I wanted to make memorial contribution to whatever charity the family had chosen, so I looked up the obit online. Reading it made me remember something else that was pretty somber - Aaron is eventually going to be all alone. He's an only child, and he and his wife have no kids and won't be having any. Both his mom and dad were only children, as well. Not only is he going to be all alone, he's going to be the end of his ancestral line.
Maybe I'm the only one who thinks it sad. Or maybe it's a guy thing. I know my wife and I have talked about similar things before and she doesn't really see the big deal, particularly since she was the one to change her last name. I, on the otherhand, finds it pretty depressing to think that my lineage would end.
I have been able to trace my ancestral lineage back eight generations before me, to the early 1700s and Colonial America. That history of my ancestors means something to me. And I'm an only child. I feel it my duty to carry that on. I guess it's how I know that I'm leaving my mark in history. And don't get me wrong - I'm not saying its wrong that he isn't having children. I'm just saying that it would bother me to know that I'm the last of my line - that lineage will die with me.
Would it bother you?
