Dads Ink

I guess this video went viral a couple of weeks ago, but I just heard about it today.  Check it out: http://deadspin.com/#!5782089/revenge-of-the-bullied-casey-becomes-an-icon

Immediately upon viewing it, I felt so bad for the kid being bullied.  I felt an old knot and sickness in my stomach that I hadn't felt in a long time.  I was that same kid, Casey, being bullied. 

In middle school, I was the fat kid, the one that was always degraded and always bullied.  And it didn't help that my family was not well off.  For three years, I was that kid.  I was called "fat ass", "loser", "worthless", and as many other names that you can think of.  I was degraded on a daily basis.  People would just hit me in the back for no reason.  Try to trip me, push me, knock books out of my hands or push my lunch try to the floor.

In elementary school, I was the kid that loved school.  In middle school, I absolutely hated every day that I had to be there.  And don't even get me started on gym class.  Still to this day, I still can't completely understand why I didn't defend myself all those times.  And then one time, I did.

I was Casey.

It was 8^th grade.  It was gym class.  We were practicing wrestling.  My main bully was this smaller, thinner punk kid named Willie Cogdill.  Willie had tormented me daily for the three years of middle school.  Willie and his two little stooges - I can't even remember their names - made my life a living hell.  By not sticking up for myself over those three years, I held all that pain and resentment in.  Until that day in gym. 

You had to challenge someone to wrestle.  Everyone was calling on Willie to challenge me and kick my "fat ass."  A lot of my other tormentors were in that class, too.  They thought it was hilarious when I challenged him.

And when we started, he took me down fast to the pleasure of that crowd.  Then something inside me snapped.  I came up off the matt, grabbed Willie by the neck and pushed him to the ground like he was as light as a feather.  Pushing his face in the matt, I climbed my "fat ass" up on his back, put each of his arms under my legs so he couldn't move them, reached behind me and grabbed both of his legs that were kicking about.  I started to pull. 

I wasn't trying to beat him.  I was trying to maim him.  In that moment, three years of anguish came spewing out, and I want to pull his legs out of their sockets.  I wanted to break them.  I wanted to push my knees so hard into his lungs that he would black out.  I wanted him to physically feel the same pain he had caused me emotionally. 

And I was well on my way to accomplishing all of that when the gym teacher, that same adult who never did anything to protect me when Willie was hurting me, started pulling me off of him.  I wasn't budging, but he finally pulled me off.  Willie's cheerleaders sat in stunned silence.

Then it was over.  My rage and being bullied.  The word must have quickly spread, and I was never bullied again.  Willie never spoke another word to me, and I was absolutely fine with that.

I was Casey, because I seriously doubt that little twerp will ever say anything derogatory to Casey again. 

The good thing is that neither Willie nor Casey's tormentor were seriously injured.  But it's difficult for me to feel any sympathy for Casey's bully.  I'm a believer in the adage that says "you reap what you sow".  But chances are that he's never fully going to reap it.  He's not going to have to deal with the self-esteem and self-doubt that Casey is.  He's not going to have to deal with the insecurities, even later in life, which Casey is.  Part of me thinks he got off real easy.

But I do feel one small piece of sadness for him.  What is his life like to drive him to treat other people the way he does?  What is his father like to him?  Why does he think its ok just to hit other people in the face for no reason whatsoever?  That's a sad life.

I was asked by a reporter the other day what a dad should do if he thinks his child is the one who is being the bully at school.  I would now answer that question by showing my kid this video.  I would show him how pathetic that kid looks.  I would make sure he understood the emotional abuse that he was causing.  Then I would warn him about the anger that the kid being bullied can unleash on him in just a matter of seconds.  We would talk about how hazardous it is to back a wild animal into a corner.

If I was the bully's father, of course I would be sympathetic to my child being injured.  But what if I was Casey's dad?