Sock Food

Last night, I played the role of super dad. I took the kids to swimming lessons, made dinner, gave showers, mowed and trimmed the lawn, fertilized, put the kids to bed, and then cleaned up the kitchen. But that's not why I was super dad.

I was super dad because when I tucked the kids in at 8;20 I explicitly told them no books and no games and that it was time to close eyes and go to sleep. My sweet little princess of a girl did not obey that.When I finished my work outside and came back in at 9 pm, Serena was still wide awake reading a book in her bed. Uh oh.

This is when it is hard to be a parent. When I walked into her room she flashed me the biggest smile like she was so happy to see me. This kind of welcoming smile is enough to melt even the iciest of hearts. I could have easily said "Hi sweetie, it's time for bed. Let's put the books down and close our eyes" But that would have been the second time I told her to do that. And this happens often enough to require some discipline and correcting.

My response to her, without smile (which is really hard for me) and without yelling, was "Serena, what did I ask you to do the last time I was in here?"

She said, starting to quiver, "Go to sleep."

"Yes," I said, "And what are you doing?"

"Reading a book."

"So, you're not following directions?" I asked.

"No," by now the lips have formed into their near breakdown, pouty little girl lips that girls are so good at doing. Often times it's a performance, rather than true feelings coming out.

"So, you didn't follow directions or do as you were told. This makes me very angry and little girls who don't do what they are told don't get to do fun things. Tomorrow night is Friday and usually we watch a movie together but you won't get to watch that movie with us now because you disobeyed your daddy. It's time to turn off the lights and go to bed and while you're trying to fall asleep, you should think about how important it is to listen to you mom and dad. Goodnight"

Of course, I then leave the room feeling awful because she has turned into a blubbering mess and I hate seeing her cry like that. But I know the lessons given now will have a dramatic impact on shaping her character, personality, and self-discipline as she gets older.

We've seen the same thing from when the kids were toddlers. Our efforts of giving our children boundaries then have paid dividends today. Our kids, though wild as children are at times, do listen, respect others, and are very well-rounded little people.

Time and time again I see parents not disciplining their toddlers. They say, "oh, he's only two and doesn't know any different." I could have said the same with my daughter (who's 4 1/2). "Oh, she's only 4, she's so cute." And sometimes I do that but I also look for the opportunities to correct bad behaviors when they start to form - and that's at ages 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, etc.

Here's a great article about parents having to be stern about the way their kids dress - Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps. My favorite line is "... but I'm his father, not his friend." And this is the lesson every parent has to keep in mind. Making their little girl or boy cry is simply a natural response to not getting what they want or hearing stern remarks about their behavior. Not doing this will lead a child into a life without boundaries or where boundaries are visible but ignored. I can give so many examples of this and have seen the destructive power of the "parent as a friend' method. It doesn't work.

It's best for everyone that parents make their kids cry from time to time. And if it helps, after they are sobbing away and have heard the lesson, parents can run to their own room and have a little cry for themselves.